Beware Of The Reformed Heightist Woman

A Brief Dating Guide For Shorter Men 35 And Up

Dating

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So you've made it to the big 3-0 and things are looking great. You've finally got your finances in order, just purchased a new place, have money in the bank, have that shiny Master's Degree in tow, are in great shape, have amassed an enormous amount of confidence and have moved up the social and corporate ladder. Even better, you have gained the admiration of more women than at any other time in your adult life! However, a few years ago, things were a little different. No amount of self-assurance could protect you from the world which says for a man, taller is better. Instead, you dealt with plenty of rejection romantically and in the company of your peers via endless jokes and covert dismissal from "serious" conversation; that is mostly from women your age.

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So why the change? When I was a younger lad, no amount of confidence, muscle mass, humor or fashion sense could save me from the inevitable occasional friend-zone, and this was primarily due to my lack of height, not my attitude. Sure I landed a date here and there, and had a few LTRs, but whenever height was bought up in conversation it was almost always negative, no matter how much a woman was into me. They either "tolerated" my height, or used a positive attribute of mine to distract themselves and others from my short stature. "Oh he's short, but he is so talented and graduated from so and so university at the top of his class" and comments along those lines were an often occurrence. Notice the "but". If you're short, even if you're successful, you've heard that reference at some point.
 

Something interesting happened when I turned 32 or so. I started becoming more successful at online dating. The thing was, I was always successful at online dating meaning I was able to land dates, though perhaps not as frequently as my taller buddies. Most women I wrote to did in fact respond. The difference was that now that I'm in my mid-30s, women my own age respond. How was that different from my experience during my 20s? Well, women in their mid-30s and up were responding to me back then with the same frequency they do now, but women my own age at the time generally wouldn't. Why was that?

What I noticed from dating over the last decade or so was that many of the women I attracted regardless of how successful they were had a kid or more, not-so-stellar credit, amazing sexual experiences that would trickle out as stories with each subsequent date, were usually not in the best of shape (but definitely was at some point) and had a history of dating jerks and losers. What they all had in common were that they all had three rules for dating, some of which were written in their dating profiles:
 

"Not looking for friends with benefits"
"Not looking for drama"
"Must be stable"
 

In addition to those three rules, most if not all would either state on their profile, or on the first date that they are:
 

"Looking for something different and are broadening their horizons"

 

What does this mean exactly?
 

"Not looking for friends with benefits"

What this most likely means is that during her 20s, Jane was out partying and having "enough fun", so much so that she doesn't wish to share with you (or anyone) information about those experiences. Her hormones were raging wild, only what she perceived to be top tier men had a chance, and due to the fact that those men would most likely afford to be very selective, they only stuck around with her long enough to get theirs. Anything beyond that was a tumultuous relationship in which things only worked in the alpha's favor. She will tell you otherwise no matter what, but her inhibitions with you are most likely a holdover from her worst experiences with her darkest of men. Remember, her attractiveness would usually net her what she wanted, withstanding her not being able to keep them. It was "their loss". Because she couldn't lock an alpha down, her mentality is that "men suck and only want the buns". So now you get to pay for that. You will work hard for what supposed "lame guys" got for free (remember this sentence). Don't expect frequent wild "fun" (which she really enjoyed) or for her to do things at the caliber of what she once experienced and did any time soon. 
 

"Not looking for drama"

Since the alpha men she once chose had options galore, her emotional outbursts, flakiness and entitlement wouldn't have the spell-like effect on them as they did with the betas that were in her orbit during her wild days. For her, non-submission, or worse yet, dismissal from men she liked meant "drama". Consider this. I once told a good friend of mine the nonsense that was happening in a relationship that I was in. The first question out of his mouth was, "How good looking is she?". What he meant was, we are more likely to put up with outrageous behavior if the woman we're dealing with is very attractive. This applies in reverse also. Ever hear a woman tell you about relationships she stayed in where the guy treated her like dog meat and cheated relentlessly? Well there you go. Her talking to you probably means that now that she's had her share of alpha men, she is now ready to rummage through second pickings. After all, you should be lucky to even have a second of her attention right? 

"Must be stable"

Here's the big one boys! Now that she has finished having fun, maybe has a kid or two from men who are falling behind on child support payments, or if her credit is not-the-best and she is in debt, Guess what? It's now time to secure that faithful provider! She can be poor as dirt, a moderatly successful struggling career woman, or even make good money. It's just that she'd rather spend your money than her money.

In that case, who cares if the guy she snags is 5'8 or 5'4? It's her presence in exchange for your wallet. I cannot tell you how many women I knew in my 20s who refused to date men under 5'10 who now inbox me on Facebook and say things along the lines of, "OMG, my new beaux is 5'8!" to which I reply "Lol" or ignore all together. It's like a racist person posting a status update on the social network of their choice screaming in caps "OMG, I HAVE A BLACK FRIEND!". On one second date a few years ago, this woman who I shagged on the first date said to me, "I don't know what happened, but when I was young, I was only into tall guys. Now that I'm older, I don't mind dating short guys". Coincidentally, she wasn't interested in having any more kids and was nowhere as attractive as she was 5 years earlier. She happened to have two kids from a tall man who left her for a younger woman, but that is neither here or there. More power to him. For me, she was great for a night cap and a number to have on speed dial. In case of emergency, break glass.

"Broadening their horizons"

Well, if you've gained several pounds, have to hide behind more makeup, take pictures with your smartphone at the perfect angle and a certain amount of lighting, talk about how hot you were during your younger days and are constantly playing catch-up with your bills, you might be a little more open minded with who you date. After all, if I were a top tier man, why would I want a woman with a pile of baggage, even if she is hot?

While people do change and walking outside of your comfort zone is always a great thing, you have to question the motive. I recently read an article on Indian women who refused to date Indian men in their young adult years and all of a sudden were interested in preserving their culture and have a change of heart at or around 30 years old. Would you feel confident if you were able to date someone you found very attractive but then found out she wouldn't spit on you if you were on fire just a few years earlier? Lol. I can't speak for you, but me thinks not.

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I call these women "Reformed Heightists". They are women who not too long ago would never have given a man under a certain height cutoff a first or let alone second look, but all of a sudden due to indescribable circumstances are interested. Beware indeed. They are everywhere.

How can you spot them? The girlfriend I have now has dated her share of both tall and short guys, so I know I am not her guinea pig. In the first couple of months of us dating, I asked probing questions. It is a good rule of thumb to put up a front and act as if a woman's past means very little to you. Let her feel as if you wouldn't judge her. I remember having conversations about our exes and in some cases even comparing pics. If you see she has been open minded with who she dated over the years, you most likely have a winner on your hands. If that isn't the case, then beware! You have been warned. 

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