Being short has ruined my life...

Heightism

post #1

02-20-2021 at 01:01 pm

Not really sure what I’m looking to get out of this, but I wanted to share my experience in life as a short man.

I guess I’ll start with being younger, I was always short through school and considerably shorter than all of my year group. Like anyone that is “different” at school I got my fair share of teasing and cruel remarks. I always enjoyed sports but was never picked for a team, I even remember vividly trying out for the soccer team, being the top scorer in tryouts but somehow still not making the team, at the time it crushed me and I hung up my boots for good (I was 12), I felt like a failure as my Dad is all about sports and he would never get to be like the other Dads and get to see me play or be apart of that. Years later I bumped into the coach at the store and I mentioned why he didn’t pick me and he just flat out said because I was short and wore glasses (I went home and felt like a worthless piece of *bleep* for the next few days).

Beyond that and into my college years, still me, still short, I found that the dynamic had changed somewhat but not in my favour, now I wasn’t teased by my peers to get laughs in class, but instead I was now teased as a means to belittle me in front of females so they could look bigger, stronger and you guessed it “funny” because it’s “cool” to bully others due to a physical “deformity”... let’s just say I didn’t enjoy my college years and was glad when they ended.

During my college years I also had to work in a local supermarket, I lost count of the amount of times I was referred to as her, she, miss, lady etc by the general public, not in a malicious way, more just if their kid was pushing the cart and they would shout “watch out for that lady” obviously my confidence was low enough without these types of comments, and it does make one question their masculinity, am I that small that the world doesn’t even see me as a man...? (the answer is “Yes” btw).

Eventually I was out in the big-wide-world, gone were the asshats and that mentality, or so I thought but to my surprise this height hierarchy continues beyond school & college, the world is still full of jerks who will belittle you because of your height for cheap laughs. In a meeting other tall males will just talk over you, your opinions don’t seem to count (and then when a tall colleague says what you’ve been saying all along everyone suddenly listens), you’ll find that taller less educated males in the same role as you actually earn more and when you ask for a raise it comes across like a “joke” and you aren’t taken seriously.

I remember getting into a bar fight in my mid-20’s after some drunks thought they would make fun of the little guy that couldn’t see over the bar... I hit one with a pool cue... not my finest hour... fortunately no charges were pressed as the bar staff said it was self defence.

Nice clothes? Forget it, your shopping in the teens section, so unless you want bright colours, lots of graphic “comic/gamer/tv/movie” type tees and teen fashion then get ready to be disappointed, finding work shirts and appropriate clothing is a nightmare (stock up during back-to-school season as it’s about the only time of year you’ll find stuff), if you search your shoe size online google assumes that you want women’s/children’s, if you do shop on the high street you end up looking like you’ve stole your older brothers/dads clothes. Hats never fit, it almost looks comical, same goes for glasses, everything for “men” looks ridiculous on such a small face/head. I received a graduation watch at the end of college, it’s still in its box because it dominates my wrist, the bracelet can’t be resized small enough... this is the same for most jewellery that was designed with “men” in mind, simply, nothing ever fits.

I’ve never had a successful dating life, sure I’ve had a couple of girlfriends through the years, but it’s always the first thing on everyone’s minds when they see a short guy with a girl, she can only be dating you out of pity as you don’t bring anything to the table as a man. You also forego a lot of the “cute” couple things, she’ll never borrow your hoodie as it makes her feel dumpy because it’s too small, you can’t reach for the things that are out of her reach, she’ll never get that tiptoe kiss that has been put into her head in every movie since a child, you’ll definitely not be picking her up and carrying her or letting her sit on your shoulders at gigs, spooning is just awkward due to the miss-matched height and you’ll never make her feel safe or protected.

Beyond that, as a single male in their 30’s and beyond the dating game is rough, you’ve now missed the opportunities that are presented to you when younger so meeting someone becomes much more difficult. You’ll turn to online dating as that’s the way these things are done now, soon to realise that your height makes you a joke in the dating world, so much so that some will even go out of their way to match you just so they can poke fun at your height... I always thought guys were bad, but damn what type of person thinks “Hey look this guys short, I’d best go out of my way to make sure he feels like a worthless waste of space”, dating is simply brutal and will erode your confidence further, the dating world doesn’t see you as a “real man”... so my experience is don’t bother with it as height is the number 1 stat for a male, if you’ve not got it you won’t get matches and won’t date.

The reality of that the world wasn’t designed for you, be it public bathrooms where the urinal puts you on your tiptoes (unless they have a child’s one), forget theme parks as you won’t be tall enough to get on a lot of the rides, you’ll have to ask for assistance in the store if you need things off the higher shelves, you’ll never see the band at a gig because everyone else blocks your view, you’ll not be able to order a drink as the bar staff won’t be able to see you, everything is designed with the “average” guy in mind.

You’ll see the same “advice” that height doesn’t matter, be more ConFIdEnT!! a comparison to A-Listers that have a LOT of things going for them that excel them beyond that of the average guy (looks, fame, interesting career, money to name a few). If you do stand up for yourself then you’ve got some sort of short man complex... if you’ve done well in something then you are always seen as over compensating... my height has ruled and ruined my life, I hate myself and my parents for cursing me with this existence and I’ve become nothing more than a bitter middle-aged man.

This is just a snapshot of my life, a glimpse into a fraction of the experiences that a short man goes through every day, I see a lot of average/tall guys on other forums/groups trying to offer perspective but they’ve not got a clue what it’s like to live this life and see the world from my eyes, the discrimination against short males is very real and one of the only obvious forms of discrimination that is still openly tolerated in modern society... in the end I don’t really know what to say, life is unfair I guess and getting the short card has not been fun... I feel like nothing more than a worthless piece of *bleep* and hate everything about myself.

I guess what I’ve learned is that life is pretty unfair and for the most part nothing you do will change that.