If you could remake any of the choices you've made?

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If you could remake any of the choices you've made?
post #1

As in my 25th year, i've recently been reflecting on my life and what made me to who i am today.
And what should i have been doing differently despite the life events out of my hands?

 

Not desperately wanting to fit in

I was never a happy child, and as majority in here i was a victim of the cruel bully'world.
Being bullied never made me strong, it made the quite the opposite. It made do strange things to get attention.
It become very hard for me to make friends which to this day is still an issue, and have been so throughout my entire life.

Instead of being the wierdo, the clown and the guy who would always dare to do dangerous stuff, I should have stayed more calm and not being busy getting bad attention.

 

- Not joining a bad crew

As i grew older, i was poor on friends, i was always the substitute amoungst a group, which basically means that I was the 2nd or 3rd pick when it came to hanging out as we called it.

When i reached the age of 17 i had the opportunity to befriend myself with someone lesser people, which i did.
As in my previous many years i have been bullied, people not wanting to befriend me, and being disrespected, it was nice.

 

I joined a crew of tough guys. And my daily routine was to hang out during the night, stealing what ever i could get my hands on. Being the hard guys at any party with a bad attitude. And in general being a propper badboy.
While i enjoyed some parts of the life. It was very hard getting out off, and i still see the results to this day. I attract other people who are or have been like me, despite gender.
I hate it and i think that the women that have been like me are gross, and im having a hard time accepting other peoples past.

 

- Being insecure

I touched this topic in one of previous posts http://shortkingz.com/topic/me-vs-society-my-darkside-warning-wall-of-text-1067

But to recap the long lifestory, I've not had succes with women previously in my life.
And it ripped me to pieces with the consequence that i became very insecure when the topic was picking up women and keeping a relationship. Altho it took me 5-6 years to reach the level of insecurity that i have today.
In other words i became the female, not really having the balls to take initative when i started liking a girl.
If i could just gather more confidence without hesitating.
This is a recent problem of mine that i wish i could change.

 

- Not being busy with dating

This is pretty related to what is above. But i spend my entire start - mid 20's looking for girls to hook up with. The first 3 years was unsuccesful and it was the hardest time of my life, changed to something unrecognisable.
If i just havnt been so desperate for female attention i think my 20's would have been very very different and not changing me into something that i do not want to be today.
It have the consequence that i judge women on their past; How their lifestyle have been in their youths, how many they have slept with, what kind of guys they are attracted to and any opinions that they hold differently from what i do.
And in general i hold grudge.

 

While there are much much more to be told and changed this is probably the essential things in a few poorly described words.
What would you change?

Last Edited By multinational (2017-07-25 20:57:58)

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Re: If you could remake any of the choices you've made?
post #2

That is an amazing story. Do you think then that you got into bad stuff like stealing because you wanted to "prove your manhood", or was it because of lack of friends/bullying? You kind of answered this question in this post, but I wanted a more direct answer. I noticed that when I was in school, me getting bullied early on made me become the funny guy. Cracking people up, I was able to distract people and deflect the bullying. 

It's crazy how people acknowledge bullying, but NEVER give sympathy for men of short stature and consider this instead of labeling people with a "Napoleon Complex".

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Re: If you could remake any of the choices you've made?
post #3

Multinational you are a valuable member of this forum, never stop posting. 

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Re: If you could remake any of the choices you've made?
post #4

Quote:

Originally posted by TheDestroyer

That is an amazing story. Do you think then that you got into bad stuff like stealing because you wanted to "prove your manhood", or was it because of lack of friends/bullying? You kind of answered this question in this post, but I wanted a more direct answer. I noticed that when I was in school, me getting bullied early on made me become the funny guy. Cracking people up, I was able to distract people and deflect the bullying. 

It's crazy how people acknowledge bullying, but NEVER give sympathy for men of short stature and consider this instead of labeling people with a "Napoleon Complex".

 

 

Honestly, 3 reasons

 

1. I've been bullied and not accepted by others so i wanted to stand strong, and the best way, or at least i thought it was the best way, was to hang with the hard guys.
Those who are feared in the community and get some sort of respect when everything else failed.
So i became one of them, wanting the respect and have the people from the past see what I've become.

 

Funny episode was when i was at a party, talking to some random people from my neighborhood and from my previous school, telling that i wanted to beat someone up that have bullied me.
A few weeks later i saw the bully in the gym, he spotted me and then immediately left, i never saw him in the gym again.

 

2. Women are messed up in their mind and find a badboy attractive for what ever reason.
As any other 17-18+ year old i wanted in on the action. (sex restriction age in Denmark is 15)
 

3. Im an immigrant in my own country. Im born and raised here tho. But that doesnt stop the racism and judgements that people and politicians lay upon you. And eventually you start believe that, when people say that you are a criminal, you have to be one.
Another factor is that immigrants tend to befriend eachother for having the whole different skintone difference in common, so its just a unlocked door waiting to be opened.

 - Its also explained in the previous post that ive linked

 

Thank you ThatFlyShortGuy smile

Last Edited By multinational (2017-07-26 01:33:27)