As in my 25th year, i've recently been reflecting on my life and what made me to who i am today.
And what should i have been doing differently despite the life events out of my hands?
- Not desperately wanting to fit in
I was never a happy child, and as majority in here i was a victim of the cruel bully'world.
Being bullied never made me strong, it made the quite the opposite. It made do strange things to get attention.
It become very hard for me to make friends which to this day is still an issue, and have been so throughout my entire life.
Instead of being the wierdo, the clown and the guy who would always dare to do dangerous stuff, I should have stayed more calm and not being busy getting bad attention.
- Not joining a bad crew
As i grew older, i was poor on friends, i was always the substitute amoungst a group, which basically means that I was the 2nd or 3rd pick when it came to hanging out as we called it.
When i reached the age of 17 i had the opportunity to befriend myself with someone lesser people, which i did.
As in my previous many years i have been bullied, people not wanting to befriend me, and being disrespected, it was nice.
I joined a crew of tough guys. And my daily routine was to hang out during the night, stealing what ever i could get my hands on. Being the hard guys at any party with a bad attitude. And in general being a propper badboy.
While i enjoyed some parts of the life. It was very hard getting out off, and i still see the results to this day. I attract other people who are or have been like me, despite gender.
I hate it and i think that the women that have been like me are gross, and im having a hard time accepting other peoples past.
- Being insecure
I touched this topic in one of previous posts http://shortkingz.com/topic/me-vs-society-my-darkside-warning-wall-of-text-1067
But to recap the long lifestory, I've not had succes with women previously in my life.
And it ripped me to pieces with the consequence that i became very insecure when the topic was picking up women and keeping a relationship. Altho it took me 5-6 years to reach the level of insecurity that i have today.
In other words i became the female, not really having the balls to take initative when i started liking a girl.
If i could just gather more confidence without hesitating.
This is a recent problem of mine that i wish i could change.
- Not being busy with dating
This is pretty related to what is above. But i spend my entire start - mid 20's looking for girls to hook up with. The first 3 years was unsuccesful and it was the hardest time of my life, changed to something unrecognisable.
If i just havnt been so desperate for female attention i think my 20's would have been very very different and not changing me into something that i do not want to be today.
It have the consequence that i judge women on their past; How their lifestyle have been in their youths, how many they have slept with, what kind of guys they are attracted to and any opinions that they hold differently from what i do.
And in general i hold grudge.
While there are much much more to be told and changed this is probably the essential things in a few poorly described words.
What would you change?
Last Edited By multinational (2017-07-25 20:57:58)